The Perfect Baby Handbook made me laugh so hard I forgot about my mastitis

I just read the funniest guide book about parenting ever! Since I was suffering from Mastitis last weekend, this was a welcome relief! I really laughed out a loud a few times, something I haven't done in awhile! Let me tell you why I love this book. It's sarcastic, witty and written by a guy who doesn't even have kids! Author Dale Hrabi writes about the most common baby topics with such hilarity that I wish I wrote this myself. Poo!

Anyway, the illustrations are the core reason I chuckled and spewed spit everywhere on our new furniture.

This picture depicts how a dad would get their baby to sleep by churning butter! I have got to get one of these! The book just came out and is published by Harper Collins.

Go to The Perfect Baby Handbook site for more info and check out this YouTube video for some laughs.

What do a Fetus maternity shirt, Madonna and a Kids awards show all have in common?

The other night I turned on Jon and Kate Plus 8 because I did not want to put on cartoons for my son since it was evening and I was hoping he would see a scene where one of the kids is put in the naughty corner. I really hope they don't get divorced! - Cafemom

Here is the list of the Kids' Choice award winners. I see that Spongebob Squarepants won for fave cartoon. After asking if the little sponge was a bad influence on my little guy, I guess I can let my kid watch it after all! I mean, come on...it's a Nickelodeon show! Commercialization at its best! - US magazine

Madonna and the kids go to Malawi to adopt a little girl. During the first hour, she asked ten locals if they would be her back-up dancers on her next tour. - Just Jared

I'm all for maternity shirts with cool graphics but does this take being pregnant too far? What do you think?

Droolicious

what's in an apple?

This morning my son, 3, asked me what was in the apple I was slicing up for him. I sputtered something about water, seeds and earth stuff. I needed to Google this but haven't yet found an answer. The questions are coming and I'm going to feel like an idiot a lot!

If you're going to lose a lot of weight, show it off on People

Talk about "Many Pounds At A Time", Valerie Bertinelli looks fantastic in a bikini. How very brave to pose on the cover. It makes me laugh that they write that she's 48. What does that mean? Should she be holding a cane and wearing blobby sweatshirts with "I Love The Golden Girls" on it?

How many of you would pose in a bikini for People magazine?

Pop Links and Twitter Video

Did anyone planning to watch Parks and Recreation?

Nicole Richie looks very glam in Black Book Magazine.

Gwyneth Paltrow loves Vegenaise, but I can't stand the stuff which is one of the reasons I turned back to being Vegetarian.

The coolest baby spoon ever!

For those who live under a rock, here's a cartoon video explaining Twitter.

Banana moment

Hi! I've been busy the past couple of days trying to figure out how to put on the addthis button on here. Thanks to MK at POPBYTES who figured it out!

Now for a banana moment. The baby can't sit up by herself yet but she just loves being supported in her Anka high chair.

Blogging about Gwyneth Paltrow picking lettuce from Madonna's plate

Thanks to Janet Charlton, here is a photo of Gwyneth Paltrow picking lettuce from Madonna's plate at an after party for designer Valentino's movie.

Is Gwyneth saying:

a. This would make a great photo for Goop.

b. I eat ten plates of this a day!

c. Wouldn't this be a great style for a wig?

Anyway, they must be really close to pick food from one another's plate. I also don't like that style of lettuce. Boy...I must be really bored today to talk about lettuce. How many times did I just type lettuce?

Entertaining the family for free with the bad influence Spongebob

How do you entertain your family for free?

Cafemom has a giveaway going on where you can win a $50 Target card.
Who wouldn't want to win that?

I'll tell you my answer to the question: I put on Spongebob for my 3-year-old. However, I may have to stop doing that because yesterday I was talking to a bunch of parents who said Spongebob was not for children. Now I've only really watched one episode and I found it pretty funny and saw nothing really bad for kids in it except for that they said "stupid", which is what I tell my son is a naughty word. Now if I stop putting Spongebob on or turn it off my kid is going to have a fit! Spongebob has given me time to do house chores, wax my legs, and just have ten minutes of answering emails.

Is Spongebob not for preschoolers?

Look into Ina Garten's new barn

Sometimes I like to turn on the Food Network channel because I find it relaxing. One of the shows I particularly like is Barefoot Contessa. The host is Ina Garten who has this gorgeous home in the East Hamptons. Well if that isn't enough, she has enough money to build another house out of a barn for filming and entertaining. Here is her very clean looking white kitchen before the tomato sauce and oil splatters the walls:


Here is her dining room, which kind of looks like a restaurant.


Here is a plate of yummies. I just want to eat that all up!


Ok, looking at her new home is making me envious. It's not that fantastic...but it's enough to make me move to the East Hamptons and start my own cooking show!

Here is my recipe for Leek and Potato soup (this makes two bowls)

1 leek
2 potatoes
1 stock veggie stock cube
water

Here is my recipe for crackers and soda:

1 box of crackers
1 soda

Here is my recipe for grapes:

Just put grapes in bowl. Enjoy!

My birth story revealed!

For those of you who would like to know the details on the birth of our baby daughter, read the post here at Milkbank.com.

Pop Links: Katie Holmes, Madonna, American Idol

Finally! Katie Holmes wears long hair again! I was beginning to think she was looking too matronly the past year! She and the clan are in Japan for the premiere of "Alkaline" (I can never spell it so I call it that).

What do you think of her look?

I managed to watch American Idol last night. BO-ORING! They now have whittled it down to the Top 13. When it first came out a millions years ago I was really into the show, but now I think they should stop doing it altogether. - Reuters

Also, what do you think about the 4th judge? ANNOYING OR AMAZING? Will any one of the AI contestants ever be as successful as Kelly Clarkson who has a new CD out? - cafemom

Do you want to buy Lindsay Lohan's new spray tan line? - People

Sandra Bernhard has a 1o-year-old daughter! Here she is with Cicely, who looks the splitting image of her mom! I have no idea why I posted this photo, it's because I thought she was a lesbian and didn't expect her to have kids.


Meanwhile, former gal pal Madonna went to a fun Purim festival and dressed up as a goth schoolgirl. Can she get away with it at 50? - NYmag

Affordable bauble: Herkimer Diamond Solitaire

I can afford this rock!

This Herkimer Diamond Solitaire bauble will look great on my hand! (waving my hand in front of laptop screen)

I got my engagement ring/wedding ring at Selfridges in London. I chose a ring with the diamond set in the band because at the time, I wanted something that I could also wear everyday. At the time I didn't want a diamond sticking out because of my then active gym lifestyle. What a dope! I picked my ring, which is white platinum, over the less expensive white gold bands. I love my ring of course but wished I had a huge rock to show off.

NY mag describes this bauble as a "unique piece of crystal quartz, filled with cracks and irregularities, and placed in a sterling-silver engagement-ring setting".

The price? $100!!

Sold at Erica Weiner Jewelry

Dora the Explorer will be gyrating on table tops soon

Look out cast of Gossip Girls, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton...Dora the Explorer will be heading over to the VIP area at your club soon! Mattel and Nickelodeon have revamped the cute sister of Go Diego into some kind of fashionista with ballet pumps and hair extensions! My 3-year-old has a Dora the Explorer book and he used to love reading about her and Boots exploring the neighborhood. Well this looks like she'll be standing at the street corner! I guess the companies just don't want to brand her to preschoolers anymore?

Hmm...I wonder if BackPack will be sexed up too?

(source)

This is what it must feel like to be on the cover of People!

Michelle Lamar at cafemom.com has profiled me in her Mom Plugged In series. I'm flattered and my head just grew two whole squash sizes! Get the scoop about me and read it!

My husband's house was in the British TV show Minder

I've been out sick the past few days with a bad bug. With interrupted sleep at night, I guess my immune system has been low. Tomorrow we have to turn our clocks forward one hour so less rest time for me! Anyway, I wanted to shares some photos from the British TV show Minder. My husband's house and neighborhood was filmed on this street.

This is the street Mr. Mogul grew up in. His neighbors were the members of Motorhead!


See the brown door in the background? That's the door of Mr. Mogul's childhood home!


In this scene in Minder, the magazines in the back are supposedly pornographic. During filming, Mr. Mogul as a little boy was curious and peeked into one of the mags. They were blank!


So there you go, if you are a fan of the show I hope you enjoy this fun trivia!

Was Jimmy Fallon's debut any good? (plus more exciting dribble from me)

Did anyone catch Jimmy Fallon's TV debut? I missed it because I was drooling on my pillow fast asleep. Was it any good? (note the 30 sec ad before the video)


PLUS:
Bono's teenage daughters are embarrassed by him - cafemom

Have you seen the pink dolphin yet? - telegraph

Headlines like "How do I ask my ex to give me my sex toys back", "How can I prevent queefing during sex", "Can I be a school teacher and a slut?" - Pot Psychology

Here's Jessica Alba and her daughter Honor at a farmer's market in L.A. WOW! Is the kid munching on a huge squash??


This photo has tempted my baby to desire a squash too.