The Ex-Boyfriend That Cried, "I'm Not Gay!"
Regarding the weekend poll, Bacon & Eggs won! For the vegetarians I substitute mock bacon.
Now I'm going to write a little fairy tale about my ex-boyfriend that even Mr. Mogul doesn't know about!
I met Ted* (name changed to hide the gayness) when I was 23 in an East Side bar called Lucy's. He was standing by the wall and approached me as I was sipping a cocktail. I forgot what the cocktail was but you can bet it had Absolute Vodka in it. He asked me for my number and we ended up going out for two years. Now that I look back at it, he wasn't my type.
I think I was just bored and was ready to have a relationship at the time. Ted was adopted by a successful Jewish couple. His dad was an orthopaedic surgeon
and his mom, a college professor. When I met Ted he worked at the World Trade Center as a commodities trader's assistant. His job was to run around "the pit" shouting "sell! sell!" or "buy! buy!". Ted...(I'm almost embarrassed to write this)...liked to wear Seersucker suits to special events. I know!! Complete with a bow tie!! Now this was never my type of guy! I always went out with the ones who liked alternative music and were a little more artsy.
The relationship went smoothly for the most part. The part that I did think was a little off was that he still lived with his parents in their brownstone. But he was only 24 so perhaps he was a late bloomer to leave the nest. During the second year of dating, I got a job working at an entertainment PR agency. Their clients were eclectic and included shows like Frasier, Northern Exposure, Voyager, and even Neil Diamond! Ted was so impressed and inspired that he decided to go into the entertainment industry. (Oh uh hint #1 perhaps?)
He left commodities trading and got a job at a talent agency as a receptionist. (Hint #2 perhaps?) He took the job as a foot in the ladder. He loved it! He relished going to parties with me and announcing he worked at a talent agency. Of course all the wanna be actresses flew their numbers at him. Once I got so mad at a party because he wasn't paying attention to me that I threw a hissy fit in the middle of the living room and locked myself into the bathroom. I did have time to check the host's medicine cabinet though!
Months passed and we broke up in the beginning of summer. Damn! I was going to miss hanging out at his Fire Island home! (hint #3 perhaps? For those of you don't know, Fire Island has a popular gay neighborhood. Ted's family owned a beach house on the non-gay side.)
As the summer went on, I hung out with my friends, some who were still in contact with Ted. I found out that Ted started visiting after hours clubs and upon his first entrance, made out with some man at the door! Holy Moly! WAS TED GAY? I HAD GAYDAR HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? But that revelation didn't end there! A little while later I find out he had brought a man back to his family's brownstone! While his parents were sleeping in the house! Little did they know that their son was getting some Matzoh Balls!
I couldn't believe this! I felt like throwing up! Were people pulling my smooth waxed legs? At the end of summer, I bumped into him at a West side bar. He was standing across the room, saw me crouching underneath a chair and came over to me and my friends.
"I know what you might have heard, but I'm not gay", he announced.
I crinkled my forehead as I slivered from underneath the velvet plush chair.
"No really! All that happened was experimentation! I'm not gay!", he said adamantly.
"Oh huh", I reacted coldly.
He shrugged and went to the bar. I ignored him the rest of the party. The whole thought was grossing me out!
Now don't worry, dear readers, health wise I am okay! I gave blood a year later at Time Warner in exchange for free CDS and have clean blood!
I did bump into Ted a few years later on the street. It was an amicable conversation. His father had bought him a video store and he did have to slip in the "I'm not gay" statement again. In fact, I did know he had dated a girl after me. But who cares? I was free from this relationship. I learned an important lesson:
TWEAK MY GAYDAR!
Now I'm going to write a little fairy tale about my ex-boyfriend that even Mr. Mogul doesn't know about!
I met Ted* (name changed to hide the gayness) when I was 23 in an East Side bar called Lucy's. He was standing by the wall and approached me as I was sipping a cocktail. I forgot what the cocktail was but you can bet it had Absolute Vodka in it. He asked me for my number and we ended up going out for two years. Now that I look back at it, he wasn't my type.
I think I was just bored and was ready to have a relationship at the time. Ted was adopted by a successful Jewish couple. His dad was an orthopaedic surgeon
and his mom, a college professor. When I met Ted he worked at the World Trade Center as a commodities trader's assistant. His job was to run around "the pit" shouting "sell! sell!" or "buy! buy!". Ted...(I'm almost embarrassed to write this)...liked to wear Seersucker suits to special events. I know!! Complete with a bow tie!! Now this was never my type of guy! I always went out with the ones who liked alternative music and were a little more artsy.The relationship went smoothly for the most part. The part that I did think was a little off was that he still lived with his parents in their brownstone. But he was only 24 so perhaps he was a late bloomer to leave the nest. During the second year of dating, I got a job working at an entertainment PR agency. Their clients were eclectic and included shows like Frasier, Northern Exposure, Voyager, and even Neil Diamond! Ted was so impressed and inspired that he decided to go into the entertainment industry. (Oh uh hint #1 perhaps?)
He left commodities trading and got a job at a talent agency as a receptionist. (Hint #2 perhaps?) He took the job as a foot in the ladder. He loved it! He relished going to parties with me and announcing he worked at a talent agency. Of course all the wanna be actresses flew their numbers at him. Once I got so mad at a party because he wasn't paying attention to me that I threw a hissy fit in the middle of the living room and locked myself into the bathroom. I did have time to check the host's medicine cabinet though!
Months passed and we broke up in the beginning of summer. Damn! I was going to miss hanging out at his Fire Island home! (hint #3 perhaps? For those of you don't know, Fire Island has a popular gay neighborhood. Ted's family owned a beach house on the non-gay side.)
As the summer went on, I hung out with my friends, some who were still in contact with Ted. I found out that Ted started visiting after hours clubs and upon his first entrance, made out with some man at the door! Holy Moly! WAS TED GAY? I HAD GAYDAR HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? But that revelation didn't end there! A little while later I find out he had brought a man back to his family's brownstone! While his parents were sleeping in the house! Little did they know that their son was getting some Matzoh Balls!
I couldn't believe this! I felt like throwing up! Were people pulling my smooth waxed legs? At the end of summer, I bumped into him at a West side bar. He was standing across the room, saw me crouching underneath a chair and came over to me and my friends.
"I know what you might have heard, but I'm not gay", he announced.
I crinkled my forehead as I slivered from underneath the velvet plush chair.
"No really! All that happened was experimentation! I'm not gay!", he said adamantly.
"Oh huh", I reacted coldly.
He shrugged and went to the bar. I ignored him the rest of the party. The whole thought was grossing me out!
Now don't worry, dear readers, health wise I am okay! I gave blood a year later at Time Warner in exchange for free CDS and have clean blood!
I did bump into Ted a few years later on the street. It was an amicable conversation. His father had bought him a video store and he did have to slip in the "I'm not gay" statement again. In fact, I did know he had dated a girl after me. But who cares? I was free from this relationship. I learned an important lesson:
TWEAK MY GAYDAR!
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